haiz... today i'm kinda not feelin beri happy yea.. haiz.. sighz.. my hair got cut n neber cut somehow seems like no diff at all, sighz.. stupid sia, e stupid auntie din understand wad i mean? sighz.. stupid stupid stupid... den i muz well dont go n cut at all loh... so damn sux loh... grrr... juz feelin kinda like so damn sad bout my hair.. sob sob.. haiz... den erm early mornin after readin an sms, many thoughts came into my mind again... again, i start to tink alot... sighz.. n makes myself feelin unhappy again... somehow i feel tat i'm again runnin away frm reality, instead i'm always running away frm facin the reality... i'm always tryin to escape frm it... somehow i juz dun hab the courage to face it... well, i'm not angry or wad abt them, e pplz whom i used to hang out wib in e past, but instead i juz dun hab the courage tot face them... i dunno y... it's not tat i dun want to tok to them, but is tat i really really dunno how 2 face them, i'm juz tryin to escape frm it or wad, i dunno... perhaps it's bcuz i feel tat mayb tat's not wad they actually feel tat i had felt, but juz tat i'm tinkin too much? n so feelin guilty, tat mayb i've wronged them or wad, tat's y causing me not to tok to them, not habin the courage to face them... well, y is it so tat after i've finally got used to the life i'm leading now, kinda lonely life, kinda succeed frm escapin frm facin the reality, tat suddenly an sms frm one of them requesting as to whether i could restore back the frenship tat we hab had, n stop the 'cold war' thingy... haiz... y is it so? y is it tat whenever i'm used to something n finally xiang tong n stay happy le, tat e things i'm used to b tinkin too much bout n feelin unhappy abt come back again? haiz... i realli dunno whether if i shld restore the frenship... somehow, i feel tat even if i restore back the frenship, thigns would neber b like the same as it used to b before... there'd b a lot of awkwardness, tat's wad i tink... n tat we wont b tat close as before... well, somehow i feel tat without my presence u guys would b much more happier, my presence isnt important... it might not b true to u guys, but tat's juz wad i tink... i really dunno if i shld restore the frenship we hab, i really dunno... but, i could see tat u guys now r beri happy yea, n i dont tink i'm would b able to fit into the grp... somehow, all of u hab a lot of things in common n tat u all could tok abt, but i dont hab... i'm juz afraid tat history might repeat itself agin, take it the way tat i'm juz being selfish or wad barhx.. sighz... i really dont tink i'd b able to fit in, cuz frm wad i hab remembered in the past the conversations u all hab, i couldnt fit in most of the time... mayb i'm juz not fit to b in the grp... anyway nowadays i could see tat u guys r beri happy wib ur life, hangin ard wib each other, even w/o my presence... well, once again i juz want to repeat wad i hab said before again, tat is wadever decision i make, i'll still remember u guys, even if u guys might forget abt me... i juz feel tat my presence is not at all important in the grp, n tat i being back in the grp might make u guys feel unhappy or wad, i dunno... i dun wished tat to happen, i jzu want u guys to b happy always, even w/o me... juz take it tat i'm selfish, i dun care bout n dun cherish the frenship we used to hab barhx.... i juz dun wished to tink bout all tat once again, to let my thoughts run wild n everything, makin me tink too much n bcum unhappy... since now i'm happy once again now, let me b... i dun wished to cause pplz ard me to b unhappy too n i dun wished to break my promise tat i hab make of stayin happy due to tat... mayb i'll tink abt it after o's... juz dun wished to affect my mood, i'll juz leave tis matter aside first i guess... treat it as though i'm runnin away frm facing e reality, treat it as though i'm escapin frm it... cuz, i'm kinda like tat... i'm always runnin away, escapin frm reality... not habin the courage to face the prblem, to face the reality, tat's juz me, i've to change tat, but it'll hab to take some time.. sighz... juz wished tat my promise would not b broken.. i hope tat i'd not hurt u all accidentally, or wad... plz stay happy always, nid not care bout me n the frenship wib me... i'm not worthed it...
*i juz need some time to tink bout it..* *perhaps i juz wished to b alone* * so juz leave me alone fer the time being* *i'll b back to normal soon* *i'll not break my promise* *i'll juz hab to learn to face the reality to hab the courage to face it* *i'll try not to tink too much de* *i'll b juz in my own world where no one noes, n i'll b okie soon* *y does things always like to repeat itself to make me brood over it n b unhappy cuz of it when i've bcum happy once again le? *
