hmmm... today go to sch as usual loh, early in e mornin.. den well, hab assembly in the class... den erm first period poa, not realli payin much attention... =x den was erm maths, seok teng n siyu they bluff cher say go toilet, but they heard tat the chi results out liao so dey went down to see... den well, we all jiu kinda no mood to study liao loh... den dey cum back, they all, those pplz at the back de, jiu ask them their results loh, den they tell them loh... den i ask them, they neber write down so dey dunno wad i gotten loh.. so, the next period was eng, almost half the class went down to check... well, i got an A2 fer it n a merit fer my oral... dunno shld i feel happy bout it mah, or sad bout it cuz my aim is to get A1.. sighz.. nvm, den went back to class fer eng... hab 2 periods of eng, den ss, did inference qn.. den was recess... well, recess, i went to check my results again, juz wanted to double check to see whether i realli gotten A2 mah, cuz it's like ytd, i keep habin this intuition tat i've gotten a B3 fer it.. i noe i'm beri contradicting lah.. den well, the grade i got, din change, it was still the same A2 i saw an hr or so ago... den after recess, was phy went to phy lab fer pract, did on current electricity... hmm, den after tat was contact time... den after sch, went to find angie, asked her where they goin to later... den afetr tat decided not to go... den went to canteen buy lunch n eat... den after tat eatin halfway shamita came n find me, she sit down n down dere doodling on paper wib her crayon... den i eat finished le, saw ms goh, she came n sit wib me wk n shamita.. den asked us how's our results... den told her loh, den i tell her i dunno want retake mah loh, den she say dun go n retake, shld go n focus on other subjects le, she ask me not 2 b shen jing go n retake cuz alreadi did beri well le.. sighz.. i really dunno loh... den erm, played wib shamita... den after tat slacked ard in sch fer awhile.. mum called me at ard 3+, tellin me tat tonite onli me n my dad eat dinner as she's not eatin cuz need to work.. den ask me help my aunt check out something... den after tat at ard 3.30 or so, went to lot 1, went to buy bubble tea, den beri sianz so asked mj want cum to lot 1 find me mah.. den meet her loh, went walked walked ard.. till abt 5, den go hm... b4 go hm, called dad, tellin him onli we 2 eat dinner, den asked him he want buy dinner back fer me to eat mah.. den he told me he goin to play badminton later, so well in the end... at ard 6.45 liddat, went down to limbang ta bao hor fun back hm to eat... it's kinda nice being home alone...guess i prefer to b alone at hm barhx.. sighz...hmm, today i kept on ask lotsa pplz whether shld i retake or not... asked quite a number of pplz loh, my classmates, my junior, my godsis, my sisters, my dad n 2 teachers, den oso my church pplz.. sighz.. alot of pplz asked me not to go n retake loh, tell me not to go n waste my time loh, all asked em to go focus on other subs loh.. sighz.. i realli dunno if i shld retake mah, to try to get an A1.. haiz.. i realli veri mao dun, dunno if i shld or not.. cant make up my mind, but everyone is juz kinda discouragin me frm retakin... shld i or shld i not? sighz... y cant i always make up decisions de? y am i always so indecisive? i hate myself.. as the days goes by, i'm findin myself beri beri irritatin n annoyin... mayb, i will not b findin pplz to ask them things or so on, i will not b troubling any1 anymore wb my probs or troubles or wadever it is n also will not b disturbing any1 anymore.. cuz, i'm afraid n i feel tat, all dis acts of my, will disturb dao pplz or wadever it is, n tat i also feel tat i will b beri annoyin n irritatin... i'm now beri sure tat the old me will neber b back again, though u pplz might see me wib a smile or find me like beri happy or wad, it's juz all fake de, cuz i dun 1 to make any1 sad or unhappy bcuz of me, dun1 to affect any1's mood, only sometimes den it's real de, but it's juz temporary only, it's juz happiness which dont lasts beri long, mayb onli 1 or 2 days...juz wad's wrong wib me? y hab i changed so much? y am i like dis now? sighz... troubled n confused...
* y am i always so indecisive?* *findin myself irritatin* *findin myself anoying* *findin myself stupid* *y hab i changed so much?* *no longer e cheerful aili in e past* *i hab changed alot..*
