today, whole day habin chi lessons, but well, chi teacher was absent again today, so we were like habin free periods e whole day.. well, studied a bit of my chi, den walk here walk dere... den after recess, well actually want go walked round de, saw mr ng so quickly run down to lvl2, den back to class again.. den well, e chi relief cher, actually want bring us go library but library full hse, so cant go, den saw mr ng outside timber store dere, mj n i was being asked to go n do our d&t loh, so told him we wanna study fer chi, n he say if tat's e case, tat we choose to study fer chi, den he will call our parents to inform dem bout it, so damn wad e loh... den i was so fan loh, whether to do d&t or study fer chi, as if i go study fer chi, he will call parents n if he does tat i will kena frm my parents, n if i go d&t, den i cannot study fer my chi o's which is on cumin mon.. so in e end, decided to go n study fer chi, told mr ng n well sort of like bargain wib him, sayin tat we stay back n do after sch today lah, den he dont call our parents loh... so went tell mr kamar, tat we after sch den cum n do, he was angry wib our class, n he say he's not goin care bout us, wadever we want to do be it study fer our chi or do our d&t, he's not goin to care bout it le.. so shocked loh upon hearin, as dis was my first time seeing mr kamar liddat loh.. was so unhappy n fed up loh abt dis stupid d&t n chi thingy... was so damn pissed off wib it, went back to class, want to study n yet cant as this thingy has spoilt my mood le loh, my mood alreadi not beri beri gd recently le, den now liddat even worse loh.. haiz, so it causes me not to hab any mood to study fer chi after tat, so went to e toilet beside 4/9 stayed in dere, was tinkin bout lots n lots of things.. hab been tinkin bout lots of stuffs recently.. haiz, so after sch went to hab lunch, den went to do d&t n well, heard frm those pplz frm my class who r in dere doin also, said tat mr kamar is angry wib our class n better not go n tok to him, as he said tat he's so disappointed wib our class loh... i still dont get it loh, y r all e teacehrs liddat?? dont they understand tat they r makin us to fall into a dilemma? dis two days i hab been habin not beri gd impression or something like tat bout e sch loh, i dunno y, mayb it's bcuz of some teachers in our sch, i dunno.. haiz, so do my d&t till 4.45 liddat, went to keep my things den well me n mj wrote a letter tellin him sorry n not to b angry wib us as he's so damn scary n diff today liddat loh, make me so afraid of him n dont dare go tok to him loh, n also hab even even greater phobia bout d&t.. haiz, after tat took bus back hm.. reached hm, bath, take my dinner n den here to blog, shall b goin offline soon, to study fer my chi o's... haiz, i dont feel like goin to sch tml... but i doubt i can dont go as my parents sure wont allow de, i juz dont want or rather is dont dare n dont hab e courage to face e reality of seeing my damn saddening,depressing, lousy n everything else tat r negative, de results loh, n i don hab e courage to take back my report bk, how i wish i could juz b dead now, so tat i will not hab to face all these, my life hab been so diff since last yr or izzit dis yr, i hate my life.. could i juz b like an ostrich forever, not habin e courage of lifting my head up to face the thruth, the reality tat is cumin towards me? could i b juz like an ostrich, digging a hole n hiding my head in it, tinkin tat if i cant see e truth, e reality, every other things else which i dont hab e courage of facing, it wont see me? i really dunno... haiz... hab been blogging a lot recently, but i noe it's all beri negative stuffs tat i blogged... dat's juz wad i'm feelin rite now dis few weeks, deep in my heart... mayb, i might juz go n jump down n die, killing myself, after i hab received my report bk tml, so if u guys dont ever see me cumin back to sch, it means tat i hab vanished le, n will b gone forever, n i'm sorry if i hab cause any probs to u pplz.. *gonez*
